Offense

After taking a psychology class at UCSD as an undergrad, I learned about a condition called "H.A.B." or "Hostile Attribution Bias" where a person interprets the intentions and feelings of others as negative towards them. In other words, it's an extreme condition where you think everyone is against you. Jason and I have always joked that I have a small form of HAB. Whenever I ask Jason, "Why would you do/say that to me?" Jason would joke and say that I'm having a case of HAB. I think sometimes struggling with insecurities or with other people may seem like a normal and ok thing. However, reading, "The Bait of Satan" gave me insight and practical ways to improve this mentality.

One of the first things I learned in the beginning chapters was that a reason we get offended is because we place our own expectations on people that are not necessarily set by God. As John Bevere says, "We set ourselves up for offense when we require certain behaviors from those with whom we have relationships." It is kind of like the song, "We always hurt the ones we love." The closer we are to someone, the higher the expectation, and the higher the potential disappointment. John then discusses how we put up our own walls to defend and protect ourselves which causes us to have a skewed perspective of what God can do through us and for our relationship with others,

"When we filter everything through past hurts, rejections, and experiences, we find it impossible to believe in God. We cannot believe He means what He says. We doubt His goodness and faithfulness since we judge Him by the standards set by man in our lives. But got is not a man! He cannot lie. His ways are not like ours, and his thought are not ours."

When we are only looking out for ourselves, we are not following Jesus' principles of humility. We are called to love others and love those who do wrong to us. Sometimes we avoid the hard part of loving others by running away from the situation,

"I'm describing those who have imprisoned themselves. They think that all who do not agree with them are wrong and are against them. They protect themselves in their isolation and feel safe in the controlled environment they have set up for themselves. They no longer have to confront their own character flaws. Rather than facing difficulties, they try to escape the test. The character development that comes only as they work through conflicts with others is lost as the cycle of offense begins."

Expectations and running away are certainly applicable to me. Throughout my life I've jumped from friendship to friendship, relationship to relationship. For about the past 3 years however, I have stopped jumping. Right now, I would say Jason is the closest person to me. He knows me the most, and we have inevitably had disagreements and arguments. I often found that something was wrong with our communication. Whenever Jason disagreed with me, I would be set in my heart that I was right and I would find myself staying quiet and "giving up" communicating thinking there was no way he was going to change my mind. When Jason would express his opinion, I would see it as an attack on my character and I could feel myself getting offended. I found it easiest to not talk or not communicate.

Secondly, with my family, conflict resolution has never really existed in my household. Growing up, no one really ever said sorry to one another - there was no real reconciliation. Through reading this book, I discovered that I may have also "given up" on the communication within my family. I remember getting in an argument with my Mom, and Jason suggested that I sit down and tell her how I feel. I found myself saying things that reflect bitterness like, "I know my family, they don't care if I tell them. I've told them before and they brush it off like it's not there fault. This is how it's always been, and I just need to accept that." Like the author described, I was doubting what God could do through me and in my family. And as the book instructs, Jason encouraged me that I can't just give up even if things don't change. I'm responsible for responding the way God wants me to.

I will always have things I can work on and this book referenced God's principles to teach us to forgive and avoid offense. Here are things that I learned:

1. Let go of your pride and realize your own flaws and offenses.
2. Value others higher than yourself.

"But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, willing to yield, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality and without hypocrisy." James 3:17

3. Don't react, but respond through God's love.
4. Practice forgiveness.
5. Trust in God's plan and word.
6. Reconcile.

"Agree with your adversary quickly, while you are on the way with him, lest your adversary deliver you to the judge, the judge hand you over to the officer, and you be thrown into prison. Assuredly, I say to you, you will by no means get out of there till you have paid the last penny." Matthew 5:25-26

Our relationship with God will reflect the dynamic of our relationship with others. I believe that as I hopefully continue to truly try to surrender my whole heart to God, it will be reflected in how to deal with trials and tribulations in our future, and I'll be able to love even when it's difficult to - just as Jesus forgave and loved us even when he didn't have to.

"He 'demonstrates His own love toward [and for] us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us." Romans 5:8

23

Birthday highlights.

Friday - Jason & I ate at Siam Nara. We ran into Joff who ended up paying for our meal! So nice!

Saturday - Competed with SGBM at Fusion and freakin won 3rd place! Afterward, had birthday dinner with friends at Old Town Mexican Cafe.

Sunday - 12pm at The Rock, ate lunch with Ate Marriane & Kenny, then surprise Hornblower dinner cruise with Jason.

Monday - Decorated desk at work, surprise visit from Nathalie and Tony at lunch, and pizookie/beer time with Jason.

Overall, a very wonderful birthday!

Pick A Purse

I've tried to win a ticket to Star 94.1's Pick A Purse Party since last year. It always falls around my birthday. If you win a ticket to the purse party, you get to choose a designer purse to keep and there is an extra prize inside like plane tickets, gift certificates, or even laptops. I always enter online and through text messages. I also call the radio station as often as I can to be caller 94. Here are the stages of what happens when you call in for the purse party as I have experienced from worst to best:

Stage 6: "Satellite Fail" - muffled static, three robot beeps, then the message somewhat robot sounding lady that says, "We're sorry all circuits are busy."
Stage 5: "Musical"- dun-nun-nun-nun, then the lady that says, "Your call cannot be completed at this time. Please hang up and try again later."
Stage 4: "Slow busy tone" - beep...beep...
Stage 3: "Fast busy tone" - beep beep beep beep
Stage 2: "Fake ring" - talk about false hope...one hopeful ring followed by... beep beep beep
Stage 1: "You're IN!" - ring and wait for Tanya/Haze/AJ to tell you your fate!

If I could go, I want this lovely Marc Jacobs bag...

I know I'm getting older when...

I know I'm getting older when...

I "sleep in" and wake up at 8:30am
I know the difference between a PPO and HMO
I want to shop at GAP and Banana Republic more than Urban or Forever21
I fall asleep when American Idol is on
going out on a weeknight makes me go "meh..."
I don't have a summer vacation
I paint my nails neutral colors rather than zebra printed

I'm not complaining though, I LOVE having a job that I go to every morning. I love having a career and income, and feeling like I have the ability to sustain myself.

Made my first DSW purchase today. <3

The Fighter

Saw this movie this weekend. Christian Bale owns.

Dickie Eklund: [in reference to Charlene saying that Sugar Ray Leonard slipped] Do you think I knocked down Sugar Ray Leonard?
Mickey Ward: Yeah, sure I do. You were the pride of Lowell. You were my hero, Dicky.
Dickie Eklund: I was. I was.

Japan

Dear God,

What has happened in Japan has been devastating, I thank you God that you are sovereign and no matter what, your plan is unfolding, and you truly love your people. I thank you God that you have kept my Dad safe and that we have been able to hear back from him. I thank you for all the people that put themselves in danger to help others. I thank you for all the lives that have been saved. God, I pray that your comfort would come to the family members who are waiting to hear from loved ones. I pray for those who have family and friends in Japan. I pray for their safety, that you would watch over them, that you would give those who are waiting to hear good news your peace in their hearts. The earthquakes and tsunamis are a matter of life and death. I know you desire for us to come back to you. I pray, that this situation would help people evaluate where they are with you, truly evaluate what their relationship is like with you, and that we would repent and be in solid reunion with you. Please God, please bless Japan right now. Please watch over those who are grieving or in fear. You are our hope, you are good, faithful, strong and loving and I trust you.

In Jesus Name, Amen.

Psalm 46

God is our refuge and strength,

and ever-present help in trouble.

Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way

and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,

though its waters roar and foam

and the mountains quake with their surging.

There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God,

the holy place where the Most High dwells.

God is within her, she will not fall;

God will help her at break of day.

Nations are in uproar, kingdoms fall;

he lifts his voice, the earth melts.

The LORD Almighty is with us;

the God of Jacob is our fortress.

Come and see what the LORD has done,

the desolations he has brought on the earth.

He makes wars cease

to the ends of the earth.

He breaks the bow and shatters the spear;

he burns the shields with fire.

He says, "Be still, and know that I am God;

I will be exalted among the nations,

I will be exalted in the earth."

The LORD Almighty is with us;

the God of Jacob is our fortress.